Wow friends, thanks for the insight, the ideas, and the support you all offered through those comments to my last post. My wheels have been starting to turn very slowly, and writing that post was as therapeutic as it gets. I started typing comments to address what I learned and gained from your comments and I found I had too much to say, so I decided to just go ahead and post my rambling thoughts here. I’ve inserted some of the comments I’m responding to.
I love the way you all related in such a personal way. like this:
“You know, I was doing okay until I got to the bottom of your post but when I read “Hubby … It must be hard to have your biggest fan be such a pain in the butt sometimes. I have un-dying faith in you …-.” That’s when the tears came! UGH! I can so relate to that statement. I know that I’m a pain in the butt to my husband sometimes (maybe a lot of the time?!?!) and we’ve been through some very bad times but just like you said, I love him so much and wouldn’t trade my life with him and my kids for anything”
Well, we are in good company, because I cried writing the post, and it started a nice long cry that makes you need an eye-makeup artist by the next morning. That’s okay. It was good. It was needed. Hubby read it and it helped him understand me. I must agree with momlovesbeingathome who wrote that comment. Admitting that weakness when I need to support him the most was a really difficult piece of that post. That is when I really lost it – when I realized I just wasn’t capable of being the support I wished I was.
Joni – thanks for sharing those ideas about functioning.
“I would have days where I’d literally wake up and negotiate myself out of bed. I’d think, “ok, in the next 60 seconds, all I have to do is put my feet on the floor. For the next 60 seconds, all I have to do is get up and go to the bathroom.” And step by step I could get going.”
Those very specific examples made me relate to an even more difficult time and brought back some more memories and tears – but healthy ones. Those thoughts initiated a conversation between Steve and I and both of us remembering, “we’ve been through worse”.
I appreciate all the prayers and hopefulness tremendously. In all your individual ways, you offered love, camaraderie, support, personal insight, inspiration, even a compliment or two, and concrete ideas. I love it – thanks.
“Writing is a great start, getting out and breathing some fresh air. Wake up in the morning and create your day, visulaize what you want to happen. Find someone else in a funk and cheer them up, can’t stay in a funk when you have to cheer someone else up”— tobeme
“I too am going through a rough time as well, a lot of things you wrote hit close to home for me. I just pray that soon I can see a sunny sky! I will be praying for you as well!” — lifelemons
“As always, you have provided me with great clairity and inspiration. Perhaps you can find comfort and support knowing how much you always inspire and help me. I dedicated my post today to you.” — onehappymom
For those of you that are currently in a “funk” like the one I’m giving it my all to get out of, or those of you that are facing life challenges as well, gosh, I appreciate you being so open. I love this blog thing and now we do have a group that can help hold each other up. There’s strength in numbers and I’ll think of and pray for you as you have so generously offered to do for me.
“Things often look bleek. But remember TOMOROW is another day. ” — turtlesbirds
” Here is to your husband getting the right job at the right time – the job he is meant to have – and to you being able to turn the corner on this funk.” — mamadoggylove
And, dragonmommie – I am certainly nursing myself tonight as you suggested.
” I do not try to deny it is happening. I plan the time for myself to be depressed, if that makes any sense. I will spend a weekend or a few days at the most to nurse myself… when I can feel sorry for myself. I think we need that time to step back from life”
I’m going to get out of the house and play a little bunco with other females. You are so, so right that we have to take time out. If not, the time in becomes much less effective.
And, one last thought regarding Joni‘s words about raw prayer:
” This sounds trite but prayer helps me. But it has to be raw genuine thoughts. Not the shoulda’s. You know the kind “God I’m scared we won’t be provided for but I know I should be grateful…” When I come clean to God in prayer, my ability to trust him grows. Don’t know how that works. I’ve actually said I didn’t trust that he would provide even though I’ve seen it before. And then asked for more faith or a glimpse of what He’s planning for peace of mind. “
WOW – that was deep and so painfully truthful. I’ve kept my “Suzy Sunshine” act up, even with my prayer. Not last night — after reading your post, I realized I haven’t even allowed myself to go to those raw, even ugly thoughts with God. But it is soooo cleansing to admit that. To say, “God, I’m trying to believe and have faith here and so far there’s nothing! ” Being that honest – woah. I went to sleep with those kinds of prayers last night and I have to tell you, I woke up with a brighter outlook. Today was a new today, and tomorrow is another brand new one, too.
Peace, love, blessings, gratitude, and the strength to hold up through working it all out to you all.
Dying Arts 
“Rambling” is MY middle name! Thank you for your post of comments. I really enjoyed it… you know how often I have to go back sometimes to read someone’s comment to get the response in context? A lot… but that is me. The wonderful thing about God is that even in our brokenness, He loves us and finds value. I can say that because He is using you right now, in your own funk, to give hope, love and support to all of us here who read your words. I love how you “talk” and know that you sound the same way in real life. You do make me wish that I live closer to you so that we can do the stampin thing together.
I realized tonight that I am in a funk that has been flying under the radar for some time now. I don’t have any friends to socialize with… I mean to socialize. I do have church friends who are all busy with their lives, I have family whom I enjoy, but who are also busy and live far away. I always feel hurt and rejected when people say they don’t have time. On some level, I know that it’s childish, but this does bring back childhood memories along the same vein. I was talking with another friend tonight, also far away, and I started to vent about one of these other people and realized that what I was talking about really shouldn’t bother me… what did bother me was the feeling of rejection.
Ah, so let my rambling self come to a stop. My point is that I always look forward to coming onto WP to read any new blog entries from my nice little circle of friends… no matter how I am feeling at the time. Thanks, again…. Debbie Dragon
Haha! I love what you said about needing an eye make-up artist after the cry. I’ve had a couple of those crying spells recently – I HATE how it turns my eyes all puffy and freaky looking! 🙂
Isn’t it amazing how just writing and getting things off your chest can make you feel better! My husband and I will even write notes or e-mails to each other sometimes when we’re really angry or upset about something – it helps us to communicate without turning it into an argument or fight. We are able to say what we really want to say – and think about it and make sure it’s right before the other reads it. (We also write to each other for good things too though.)
I also wanted to say to dragonmommie (about her comment) that I can TOTALLY relate! That rejection thing and not having friends to lean on is my life. I seem to go through phases of having friends and then not having friends. My husband and I have talked about this a lot. We can’t figure out if people just don’t like us or if people just don’t take the time for relationships anymore. I have had several good friends in my life that only lasted for a time and then they were gone. I’ve never really been able to figure out why that happens. This is one reason why I’ve really enjoyed this blogging thing – I feel like I’m able to connect with people and have adult conversation – even if it is only online. 🙂
Well, I have joined the rambling club now! haha! Thanks again for sharing all this houkhouse – it seems to be really touching a lot of people! I hope all of this is the beginning of good things for you and your family!!
I too blog for lack of finding good adult conversations. Often I find its theraputic then go back and reread and realize that Ive spent an hour posting a blog about horrible things,And I feel bad for feeling bad. Sometimes its enough to snap my funk right outta there. Sometimes it compounds the funk. But I write it to let it go OUT my fingers and out into the world. A little relief valve of daily sanity or lack there of.
I’m so glad my comment was useful for you. I thought later about it(you know, after you hit submit)that leaving such a long comment probably wasn’t a great thing for someone feeling overwhelmed! thanks for taking the time to read through. God is so faithful(again, trite Christianese)to give that uplift when we bare ourselves to him.
Oh I am so with you, ladies!!!! Until recently, my husband and I spent years in church service surrounded by people and spending a lot of time with people. But rarely, if ever, socially. It took me to the same place as dragonmommie and momloves…I felt like I was a gawky junior high girl again. Decent enough to talk to in class but never in the hallways around a locker. Can we all just meet for coffee somewhere and cry in a pile? Maybe at houkhouse and help patrol the potties! I have found community in blogging — its been a great release and connection for me while I’m “stuck” in the house with real little people.
Well, off to bed hopefully. Hang in there and congratulations on your new toilets! Sort of.
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