I’ve actually only had a teenageer since January, but, trust me, she’s spent the last several years working up to this title. It’s given me a chance to at least see what’s coming - prepare me a bit. Here’s a few things I’ve noticed in the last few days that I’m thinking probably has some commonality to others of you with teen daughters.
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“I’m sorry” doesn’t really mean that. Especially if it is accompanied with a sigh, eye-rolling, hand on hip, voice-raising, or (my personal favorite) “I’m SORRY, but…” That last one is just the prelude for “here’s why it’s really all your fault, anyway!”
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Any suggestion, however delicately worded and no matter how necessary translates into “You just make me sound like the worst person in the world!”
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If she didn’t hear you say it, or doesn’t remember you saying it, or just forgot it – then you really didn’t say it after all. Especially if it was an instruction she didn’t do or complete. After all, aren’t we old parent people just years away from losing our minds anyway?
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Doing what your teen wants is no guarantee you will make her happy. In fact, it may be just the reverse. The definition of happy changes moment by moment. For instance – you take her shopping because she wants to go shopping. Pretty, easy, right? Oh no, no, no. Say on this shopping trip – she finds “not one thing in this whole store I would wear (dramatic sigh).” Now, apparently, the only thing that would make her happy is to leave right now and go shopping somewhere else. You can’t win!
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If your reply is “no” – she instantly assumes that you perhaps didn’t understand her request and will go back over it again for you – just slower this time so it can sink in for us old folks. If the answer is still “no” – you are completely unfair! (No questions asked!)
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Most things that go wrong for her are somehow your fault. And, even if not, you might as well just use that line of logic, because you are going to be treated as though it were your fault.
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She uses very clever arguments (and well-thought out, I might add) to try and convince you that the more expensive clothes are “much better quality” and “not that bad” in terms of cost. Wonder what “not that bad” would be if we were discussing her money?
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She can’t possibly be expected to notice things – she’s way too busy with her hair and make-up. For instance, that bag of trash that’s been by the door for two days (and trash is her chore)…”I’m SORRY, but…I didn’t see it, okay?” You literally have to kick it out of the way to open the door.
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If pressed for time, wearing make-up will always win out over anything else. Being late, missing the bus, and similar situations are all necessary sacrifices for the make-up. “I CANNOT go without make-up, mom”
To be continued, I’m sure…
