Bad Mommy March 26, 2008

Okay, so I’ve done it again.  I’ve let one sneak up on me. 

Has it ever happened to you?  In all your lists, calendars, post-it notes, organizational tools, and attempt to keep it all together — you forget something important?  In this case, important to one of your kids? 

And it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.  Harper Houk – role model 6 year old.  Gets himself up and dressed every morning.  Packs his own lunch and snacks and meets me at the door with his papers to sign for the next day.  He hates to be late and he likes to get things right.  He follows the rules.  He starts on me 2 weeks before field trip money and reminds me daily until I do it early to get him off my back.  Harper is the one who when offered candy, will say, “No thank you, I don’t care for any right now.”  The other 3 are happy to zoom in like vultures and take his also.  Faithful, reliable, polite Harper. 

I DID send the field trip money in.  I even sent it on time AND put the date in the computer calendar.  I also kept the part of the announcement that tells you what to bring, what to wear, what time the bus leaves/returns, etc.  It’s even hanging up on the bulletin board.  What I didn’t do is remember to look  at any of that! 

In all fairness to me, we’ve been on Spring Break.  We’ve been repainting and moving rooms and getting our new Caribbean themed family lounge together.  In the midst of that, 9 family members came to our house for Easter weekend.  We pushed the paint buckets aside and threw mattresses on the floor.  We partied hard – had a great weekend.  School was out on Monday, too, so we kept a niece a nephew a little bit longer and returned them yesterday. 

Harper woke up tired yesterday, likely from all the fun he’s had all weekend.  Forehead was a little warm, had a tiny cough, said he had a “throat” (which means a sore one), and in general just wanted to stay home.  He also wanted to go with us to drive my nephew and niece back (their Spring Break just started).  He’s in a pre-First Grade class – what could it hurt?  So he snuggled in, went back to sleep, took cousins home, went to bed early and all was good. 

I sent him out the door this morning with his excuse, his signed papers, his backpack and a hug and kiss.  Then I, recovering from an extra on-call shift last night and returning at o245 am, went back to bed and quickly back to sleep. 

Phone rings at 0740.  That can’t be good.  Collectors and telemarketers usually wait until after 0800.  It’s Haper’s sweet young intern teacher apologizing to me for not calling to remind me yesterday.  What a nice gesture, but let’s face it:  I’m nearly 38 years old with 4 kids, 2 dogs, multiple jobs and a household to run – should I really need a reminder?  The field trip is today.  Guess who has no lunch? 

Mr.  “I would have packed it myself if my mom had only told me!” Harper T. Houk has no lunch!  The field trip bus departs in 15 minutes.  Even if I gave up brushing my hair and teeth , I couldn’t throw something together, fasten Brady in the car, and get a lunch there in time.  Plus, I’m downright scary with my bed head and the luxurious 3.5 hours of sleep I got.  Never mind that Brady is not dressed and is sound asleep next to me and Dad’s at work.  Impossible.  Can’t happen.  Harper will have to remain lunchless. 

Kind, precious Ms. Meek tells me that they will be happy to put him together some crackers, snack, and a juice box, etc. – will that be okay?  Heck, he loves that kind of food.  It will be better than okay…IT’S CERTAINLY BETTER THAN WHAT HIS MOM PACKED HIM  — NOTHING! Ms. Meek is still apologizing and I’m assuring her that I’m the one who should do all the apologizing here.  I am as low now as the lint and dirty (or is it clean?) laundry scattered across my bedroom floor.  I have let down the kid that asks for nothing extra – my Harper. 

I just finished writing the apology note I will hang on the door for him to see when he arrives home in the next 45 minutes or so.  He’ll forgive me – he’s also sweet and caring like that.  Will I forgive myself?  Probably.  But today I feel pretty rotten about it.  It’s a symptom of having too much going on, when we forget something that is small, easily do-able, yet really important. 

And yet another year passes that my nomination for “Mom of the Year” will have to be revoked.  It will go down on the record books with the Halloween Party I forgot when Marlee was 2 and the lunch money I took to the wrong school a couple of years ago and similar incidents that are regretfully painful reminders that I really can’t do it all.

That’s okay, who needs an award.  I just need Harper T to come home so I can tell him HE is important to me, despite my Bad Mommy behavior earlier today. 

                                             

On Having a Teenage Daughter… March 13, 2008

I’ve actually only had a teenageer since January, but, trust me, she’s spent the last several years working up to this title.  It’s given me a chance to at least see what’s coming - prepare me a bit.  Here’s a few things I’ve noticed in the last few days that I’m thinking probably has some commonality to others of you with teen daughters. 

• “I’m sorry” doesn’t really mean that.  Especially if it is accompanied with a sigh, eye-rolling, hand on hip, voice-raising, or (my personal favorite) “I’m SORRY, but…”  That last one is just the prelude for “here’s why it’s really all your fault, anyway!”
• Any suggestion, however delicately worded and no matter how necessary translates into “You just make me sound like the worst person in the world!”
• If she didn’t hear you say it, or doesn’t remember you saying it, or just forgot it – then you really didn’t say it after all.  Especially if it was an instruction she didn’t do or complete.  After all, aren’t we old parent people just years away from losing our minds anyway? 
• Doing what your teen wants is no guarantee you will make her happy.  In fact, it may be just the reverse.  The definition of happy changes moment by moment.  For instance – you take her shopping because she wants to go shopping.  Pretty, easy, right?  Oh no, no, no.  Say on this shopping trip – she finds “not one thing in this whole store I would wear (dramatic sigh).”  Now, apparently, the only thing that would make her happy is to leave right now and go shopping somewhere else.  You can’t win! 
• If your reply is “no” – she instantly assumes that you perhaps didn’t understand her request and will go back over it again for you – just slower this time so it can sink in for us old folks.  If the answer is still “no” – you are completely unfair! (No questions asked!)
• Most things that go wrong for her are somehow your fault.  And, even if not, you might as well just use that line of logic, because you are going to be treated as though it were your fault. 
• She uses very clever arguments (and well-thought out, I might add) to try and convince you that the more expensive clothes are “much better quality” and “not that bad” in terms of cost.  Wonder what “not that bad” would be if we were discussing her money? 
• She can’t possibly be expected to notice things – she’s way too busy with her hair and make-up.  For instance, that bag of trash that’s been by the door for two days (and trash is her chore)…”I’m SORRY, but…I didn’t see it, okay?”  You literally have to kick it out of the way to open the door. 
• If pressed for time, wearing make-up will always win out over anything else.  Being late, missing the bus, and similar situations are all necessary sacrifices for the make-up.  “I CANNOT go without make-up, mom” 

To be continued, I’m sure… 

You haven’t written on your blog in long time March 11, 2008

It’s true – I haven’t blogged in quite a while.  Not because there’s nothing to tell or that I have nothing to say (never!), or even that I don’t want to…but because time is so terribly short.  That, and the fact that fatigue, or mild depression, or procrastination, or something like that causes me to find myself in some kind of mindless state where I just  prefer to sleep or do nothing when I actually find a few moments. 

So, my now TEENAGE (oh, yes, so teenage) daughter asks last week, ” You know what you haven’t done in a long time, Mom?”

“What’s that, Mar?” 

“Write on your blog.  I wish you would.  It’s cool” she points out. 

COOL??!!  I’ve done something cool?  My 13 year old daughter finds something, anything that I do cool?  On a good day, I’ll settle for just tolerable.  It’s a compliment when she doesn’t roll her eyes at me.  “Where did you get that?”  usually means she hates it.  She sighs a lot.  She talks under her breath.  She uses words like “fine”, “whatever” and most of the time seems a little disgusted with most of us in the family and way, way too caught up in hair straightening, friends, loud music, expensive clothes, and similar items of importance.  But she finds my blogging “In”?  Cool?  Something about me she doesn’t just claim, but actually enjoys? 

And, therefore, blogging has risen on my priority list.  I finding myself hanging on to this precious commodity.  OMG (I can speak text/IM on some occasion) – this could be something that connects us.  And a connection is no easy thing to secure at the age of 13 – especially between a mom and daughter.  Here’s to my oldest daughter, the one scrutinizing absolutely everything I do these days.  I love you, Marlee, and by golly, if you find blogging cool and I enjoy it so much too, then blogging we shall go!