Keely is my 8 year old and she has anger issues. It’s something we continually must work on. It’s not that she doesn’t have a right to be mad sometimes – it’s how she handles it. Either harsh ugly words, total disrespect and rudeness, and/or physical reactions emerge. The sibling fights between she and her 12 year old sister are intense. Keely totally discredits herself when she lets the issue at hand get to her and cause in her, an inappropriate reaction. Having to consistently and constantly re-direct her behavior wears me out! I try to help her realize her choices and respond, not react. This weekend, I was incredibly frustrated with her and trying to prepare for a family event at the same time. I didn’t have the time or the energy to have a 1 on 1 anger management session with her. For a momentary solution, I asked her to go calm down by herself for a few moments and then to write about anger.
Here is what she had to say:
Anger
Anger makes me feel mad.
And anger makes me loose my tempure.
And I get fusterrated and I loose control and hit peaple.
I also yell at them.
But I need to stop doing that and use my words. And stop that nonsence.
Anger is not good for me.
I need to start bing sweet and keep my tempure.
It’s not good for me.
So this is the last thing I need to say is stop use your anger aginst people and your self.
Keep your tempure!
Sorry Mom and Dad.
Love Keely
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Very simplistic, yet very, very true. It makes me wonder how many grown adults could benefit from having to think about their anger. Maybe if they thoughtfully encouraged themselves, as Keely has, to keep their tempers, they could create a pause in which to examine the anger before they moved on. Imagine how different the world would be if everyone heeded that advice. The innocent knowledge of a child can be quite powerful and can put us all in our place.
Keely was also asked to think of ways she could respond and manage her anger instead of acting out against others with ugly words and gestures. This is what she came up with:
1. Walk away
2. Use your words
3. Inore the person
4. Pray for your life if your with Mar
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Okay, it was fairly helpful until the end (Mar is her big sister). I personally feel like it was relatively insightful for an 8 year old and at least demonstrates she has a pretty good understanding of the issue.
And her last statement…well, at least she acknowledges her weaknesses and what pushes her buttons. We could all benefit from doing this for ourselves from time to time.
These time-out writings of my 2nd grade daughter gave me plenty to think about. I’m sure that many of us could use the opportunity to think about such things more often.
Thank you Keely, for your honesty, your openness, and your willingness (most of the time) to work on these issues!
